The Reluctant Divorcee

Brought to you by SA Law

I’ve never considered writing a blog before; it’s the kind of thing other people do. I’m more of a fact-based person but things are so all over the place at the moment that writing down my thoughts and feelings suddenly feels like the right thing to do. It helps me to organise my thoughts a bit, and who knows, someone else might read this who’s going through the same thing. So here it is: My blog, by Rebecca Green.
Previous Post

I’m a divorcee

The Decree Absolute has arrived – I am officially divorced. It feels strangely normal and it’s not the momentous occasion that I was expecting. I think that the length of time during the separation and divorce process has allowed me to process my emotions and be ready to accept this change. I don’t feel like I need to celebrate as such, but I’m not sad either. This is just the way my life is now.

But, I am going to book a break over Easter and take the children and Mum and Dad away to thank them for everything. I’ve found this amazing child and dog friendly hotel in the Lake District where we can swim and walk and eat and enjoy each other’s company. Onwards and upwards.

Previous Post

I’m still a very lucky woman

So much change in my life in the past year and yet here I am, sitting in a soft play centre with a coffee in hand, watching my children have a wonderful time with their friends. It’s this normality that I relish: time playing with Lottie and Dylan or walking the dog around the lake, and waffles for a treat..! Despite the split from James, I’m still a very lucky woman to have the time and opportunity to enjoy these moments – The ‘new normal’.

The children seem a little bit more settled which helps me relax about the divorce. Dylan still asks me to go with them to James’ house but Lottie distracts him. She understands that mummy and daddy are no longer together and acts as my protector whenever she can. They’ve stopped asking me when will Daddy come home and seem comfortable that he’s not around the house. There are still a few nightmares but I don’t know how much of this is natural, part of growing up, and how much is related to the changes that they have experienced. I still feel guilty but I know that I’ve done the right thing for us all.

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The importance of informing school

Today I talked to the Head at Lottie’s school to keep her updated – in short to tell her that the divorce is pretty much finalised. I’ve spoken to her regularly throughout the year as Marilyn explained about the importance of keeping school updated from the very beginning. They spend time with the children every day and needed to know about any issues at home that may affect their learning.

School also needed to know about our childcare arrangements as they relate to collection after school. It’s all about safeguarding and needing to ensure that the children go home with the right parent. I’m so grateful that there is no animosity between James and I but you never know what someone will do. I know other mothers who’ve had to take out a court order preventing their former partners from going to the school. Once again, I’m so grateful that this hasn’t been necessary.

Previous Post

Time will be a great healer

I could be divorced today. It’s been just over two weeks since Marilyn applied for the Decree Absolute and she indicated that this is about the time that it takes for the court to stamp approval. It’s a strange feeling not knowing for sure but I’m seeing it as time to reflect, mourn a little and get used to moving on.

It wasn’t a bad marriage but it wasn’t great, particularly the last few years, and I’m looking forward to the future. It’s not going to be plain sailing and I have to accept that James will be part of my future because of our children. He’s not a bad person and I’m sure in time, we can become friends again.

The house is nearly sorted out. James took his medical in the end, obviously a weekend with the children pricked his conscience!

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What’s in a name?

Prompted by an off the cuff question from my friend Ellie when I told her about the consent order, I have been pondering whether to start using my maiden name again. To change it would be a public declaration of my (soon-to-be) single status – a new name for the new me – and part of me likes this idea. But… I’ve been known as Rebecca Green for so long, I use Green at work, and of course, my children have this name. It’s not a simple decision and at the moment I’m not ready to change it.

Whatever I decide, I will continue to be known as Dr. Green at work. Actually, and I’m thinking as I type, that could be a good compromise: I can be known as Dr Green at home too. That way I don’t have to use “Mrs” – unless I choose too!