21st July 2017
It looks like I can’t get James released from the mortgage. That’s not good news. I have to discuss this with James it means it will be more difficult for him to borrow money to buy a place for himself. The financial disclosure queries are still rumbling on and that could impact the house conversation. Marilyn was not satisfied with the answers received to her written queries about James’s disclosure. We really should investigate his high levels of anticipated monthly spend, particularly as the children will spend most of their time with me – or so we intend. That’s another area we need to sort out. She’s going to write back to his solicitor and request a round table meeting with James and his solicitor.
I really don’t feel comfortable with the way this is panning out. It doesn’t feel that James is being fair or straight with us. Whilst I’m not looking forward to a face-to-face conversation about money, I do agree that it’s the only way forward. I will not have my children penalised because we are splitting up.
17th July 2017
James is thinking about my suggestion that the kids and I stay in this house. We’ve agreed that I am going to investigate whether I can get him released from our current mortgage, then we can continue the conversation. I think he may have realised that going away at the end of term was not a good idea and that even though he’s not living with us, his children should still be his priority. I may have laboured this point a bit. Whether it had a bearing on anything or not, the outcome is that he will think about us staying here. He was certainly more open to the suggestion as it was something that he wouldn’t even consider before. I have a meeting with a mortgage broker tomorrow.
11th July 2017
Lottie had her sports day yesterday but James wasn’t there. He chose to go to Lisbon with Amelia instead.
The end of the school year is such a busy time with endless activities, open evenings, performances and outings, all of which parents are asked to attend. When we were together, I would organise his diary so that he could come along to at least some of these things, but I think that his priorities have changed somewhat with Amelia on the scene. I did my best not to get too cross about it all but I can’t help but feel that ultimately it is Lottie who misses out whilst her Dad is swanning around Europe. It’s something we are going to have to re-think for next year so that this doesn’t happen again.
Having said all that, Lottie did brilliantly! And I was so proud to be able to watch her do her very best and to see her chatting away with all her friends. It’s good to see that she is popular at school and has support around her. It was just a shame James wasn’t there too to run in the Dad’s race.
10th July 2017
Last night was the first time in over 2 years that I haven’t had my children at home with me. It was the strangest feeling. Thankfully, Ellie took me out for dinner to take my mind off things for a while. It was so good to see her and to talk about something other than work, the children or the divorce. She was trying to encourage me to talk to some random man in the bar but that really isn’t my style. But, we did laugh a lot and discuss a girls weekend in the Autumn once things have settled down.
The strange part was when I got home, I went to check on the children; a habit I suppose. Their beds were empty and I cried over that. It’s something that I’ve just got to get used to. The children have a lot to get used to as well… I suppose that they will have two of a number of things as there’s no point carting clothes and toothbrushes between the houses.
This morning I had a long bath, read the newspaper, tidied up and am now waiting for James to bring them home. He’s off out for lunch somewhere so is bringing them back around midday. That suits me fine – Sunday would feel like a long day without them.
22nd June 2017
My emotions are all over the place at the moment. I’m confused, I’m angry, I’m sad, and then I feel positive about the future again. Then that cycle repeats itself all over again. And again.
In one of my “I’m in control” moments, I realised that I really don’t want to move out of this house. The children are happy here: it’s where they’ve lived their whole lives. Their friends are nearby and Mum and Dad are close enough to help me out. I’ve looked and looked for other houses but none of them feel right or work for us geographically. I’ve gone over finances with Marilyn and she’s advised me about seeing an financial advisor to find out what my mortgage capacity is. I’m hoping I can raise enough to cover the mortgage and then get James released from it Thank goodness for Marilyn, she’s getting to know me and my life inside and out, giving me relevant advice about all aspects of it.
I’m thinking about talking it over with James so he hears direct from me that I’d like to stay in the house. Can I find the right time for this? Will it help or will he just get cross. He was quite insistent that the house has to sell but I think it’s time that he realised that it’s one upheaval that we do not have to put the children through. They can stay in their own home and Lottie can continue at school. And it would make me happy. Surely there are enough reasons that even James can understand the benefits?