1st April 2018
It’s Easter Sunday. Rabbits are hidden around the house – fluffy ones and chocolate ones, not real ones although Lottie would love a pet bunny! As soon as the children wake up, they’ll want to do their traditional Easter hunt: I love to watch them racing around excitedly. As I type I think about the difference a year makes. This time last year, I was worrying about Lottie’s birthday and how it would work – would James want to be there? Would we argue and spoil her day? This year I feel so much more in control and because of that, so much more able to welcome James to join the celebration.
There’s always a sting in the tail though. James called to talk to the children and then asked to speak to me. He’s got an opportunity to move to Hong Kong and wants to take it. If he accepts, he would leave in July and be living for at least a year. Amelia is going too and he’d like the children to go over in the Summer holidays for a few weeks. So much for being in control! I’m not sure what to do or say about this one…
25th March 2018
Feeling delicate today after a night out with Ellie and the girls. We went to a wonderful restaurant and had a lot of fun: great conversations and lots of laughter. It reminded me that I do enjoy going out and that it’s good for me too.
Ellie told me that I had regained my sparkle and I do think that she’s right. I feel happy inside myself. It must have shown as I got chatting to a very charming gentleman at the bar. I’m not looking for a new relationship but every now and again I think that it would be fun to have someone to talk to and share some time with. The others are happily married and I can’t expect them to be available all of the time. He gave me his business card. You never know, I might email him!
20th March 2018
I didn’t expect to continue writing this blog as receiving the Absolute felt like a natural end to the divorce process and to me sharing my story. Yet, there is still so much going on, I think it would be useful to continue to write it down. Take today. I have spent my afternoon off doing divorce-related admin such as removing James’s name from the utility bills. If I have to explain to one more person that they can’t speak to James directly as he no longer lives here, I will scream. I know that they are only doing their job but after the fourth call, I’ve had enough.
I suppose once it’s done I don’t have to worry about it again.
It’s a good thing that I have a checklist!
15th March 2018
The Decree Absolute has arrived – I am officially divorced. It feels strangely normal and it’s not the momentous occasion that I was expecting. I think that the length of time during the separation and divorce process has allowed me to process my emotions and be ready to accept this change. I don’t feel like I need to celebrate as such, but I’m not sad either. This is just the way my life is now.
But, I am going to book a break over Easter and take the children and Mum and Dad away to thank them for everything. I’ve found this amazing child and dog friendly hotel in the Lake District where we can swim and walk and eat and enjoy each other’s company. Onwards and upwards.
10th March 2018
So much change in my life in the past year and yet here I am, sitting in a soft play centre with a coffee in hand, watching my children have a wonderful time with their friends. It’s this normality that I relish: time playing with Lottie and Dylan or walking the dog around the lake, and waffles for a treat..! Despite the split from James, I’m still a very lucky woman to have the time and opportunity to enjoy these moments – The ‘new normal’.
The children seem a little bit more settled which helps me relax about the divorce. Dylan still asks me to go with them to James’ house but Lottie distracts him. She understands that mummy and daddy are no longer together and acts as my protector whenever she can. They’ve stopped asking me when will Daddy come home and seem comfortable that he’s not around the house. There are still a few nightmares but I don’t know how much of this is natural, part of growing up, and how much is related to the changes that they have experienced. I still feel guilty but I know that I’ve done the right thing for us all.