The Reluctant Divorcee

Brought to you by SA Law

I’ve never considered writing a blog before; it’s the kind of thing other people do. I’m more of a fact-based person but things are so all over the place at the moment that writing down my thoughts and feelings suddenly feels like the right thing to do. It helps me to organise my thoughts a bit, and who knows, someone else might read this who’s going through the same thing. So here it is: My blog, by Rebecca Green.
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Back in the swing of things

The children are settled back into the school & nursery routine, and just as I manage to get them out of the post-Christmas lull James announces that he’s going skiing for a week in February, which means he can’t have the children. A bit more notice would be useful but I’m determined not to get all witchety about it. He does need to consider things like this though, he’s still their father and has commitments.

However, the news of the day is the traumas of mum in the playground that I wrote about a while ago. It appears that she and her husband have been in mediation, without success, and things have now turned nasty. He’s withdrawn all of their savings and diverted his salary so she’s without any money. Needless to say, she’s spitting feathers about him in the playground. Despite James’s thoughtlessness, I am grateful that we’ve managed to remain civil with each other. We could have so easily ended up in court and at each other’s throats if our financial discussions hadn’t reached an agreement. Another mental tick for Marilyn there!

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Reflections

A day at home alone is a good chance to reflect on the year that’s passed. I firmly believe that I’m in a not-too-bad-a-place considering the split from James. More importantly, the children seem happy. When they are not with me, their phone calls are always full of excited chatter about their time with Daddy.

I’m thankful that things are relatively civil between James and I.
We’ve come a long way since this time last year. In fact, I’ve come a long way since this time last year.

I’m absolutely convinced this is due to having proper legal assistance. Marilyn’s advice has steered me away from confrontation and whilst she has helped me stand firm to ensure things are fair, all-in-all we are resolving our issues amicably.

I wonder what 2018 will bring?

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Things in boxes

There’s an awful lot of boxes in my loft: boxes of records, photographs, our antique dinner service, university files. As I packed our Christmas decorations away for another year, I realised just how many boxes remain to be sorted and shared out between us.

It’s not a daunting prospect but it shows how entwined our lives were and whilst the paperwork is nearly completed, there is still a long way to go to separate it all out.

I’m not really sure how to “do” the boxes. Maybe I’ll spend next Saturday sorting out what obviously belongs to James – at least that will mean some of it is out of the way. Then I can have a conversation with him on Sunday when he brings the children home about some of the other items. His grandparents’ antique vase is up there – I know James has never liked it, hence it’s not on display – but I’m quite partial to it. But how on earth do we share out the photographs and some of the wedding gifts?

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Merry Christmas Everyone!

We’ve had a lovely Christmas with Mum and Dad. Lottie and Dylan played happily, I’ve taught Lottie the basics of Uno, and we’ve all eaten way too much!  Boxing Day was fun too – friends came over and we had a long walk in the woods before heading home for more games.

Christmas morning worked well too. James came over for an hour or so to give the children their presents and we had a lovely time watching them laugh and laugh. Of course, it’s never quite perfect as the card from him was signed from Amelia too. I wanted to stick it in the bin but Lottie was adamant that it had to go up in her bedroom. I know I have to put them first but it’s not pleasant for me all of the time. But, it’s a small wrinkle in the big scheme of things and everything else worked really well.  The children are now with James, so I will clear up the house, take a long bath, and plan my night out with Ellie for tomorrow night.  We’re heading into London for once and I can’t wait!

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You are not going to believe this.

I’ve had time to reflect on James’s night out and to be honest, I’m still hurting. I don’t blame Michelle for going out with them but I wish I didn’t know about it. The photograph makes it worse, of course. I know it’s a snapshot of one moment during the evening but there they were, all laughing together and obviously having a fun night out.

Another thing that has niggled me is that James turned up today, expecting me to have bought presents for his nephews. Can you believe it? I fully appreciate that this is what I’ve done for the past 17 years but we are no longer a couple. I almost laughed out loud at his expression when I told him that this is no longer my role and couldn’t Amelia help him with his shopping? I confess to there being a certain amount of satisfaction with this one.