The Reluctant Divorcee

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I’ve never considered writing a blog before; it’s the kind of thing other people do. I’m more of a fact-based person but things are so all over the place at the moment that writing down my thoughts and feelings suddenly feels like the right thing to do. It helps me to organise my thoughts a bit, and who knows, someone else might read this who’s going through the same thing. So here it is: My blog, by Rebecca Green.
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It’s her birthday and I’ll cry if I want to

10th April 2017

It’s nearly Lottie’s 5th birthday and I can’t work out how this is going to work. It’s on a Friday so she will get up and go to school as usual but what happens after school? Quite understandably she will want to see her Dad, but I want time with her too. I had thought that she could have a tea party with her friends but I wonder if that is too much after a day at school? Is it wrong that I really don’t want James to be there? Marilyn is going to send the Petition for Divorce to his solicitor this week and I don’t know how he’s going to respond to my request for him to pay my legal costs.

It’s times like this that I feel a failure – my marriage has ended and it’s my children that are getting caught up in the mess. I’ve been very focussed on doing the right thing by them but I also want to protect them. They still think that Mummy and Daddy will make friends again – Lottie keeps asking when Daddy will sleep at home again which is a very difficult question to answer. We need to talk to them about what’s happening but I don’t want to do it before her birthday. I also want to talk to school and nursery and let them know in advance just in case they spot anything.

So much thought goes into every move I make, that I’m starting to run out of energy. I should book some “me time” soon to make sure I keep making the best decisions for us all.