10th April 2017
It’s nearly Lottie’s 5th birthday and I can’t work out how this is going to work. It’s on a Friday so she will get up and go to school as usual but what happens after school? Quite understandably she will want to see her Dad, but I want time with her too. I had thought that she could have a tea party with her friends but I wonder if that is too much after a day at school? Is it wrong that I really don’t want James to be there? Marilyn is going to send the Petition for Divorce to his solicitor this week and I don’t know how he’s going to respond to my request for him to pay my legal costs.
It’s times like this that I feel a failure – my marriage has ended and it’s my children that are getting caught up in the mess. I’ve been very focussed on doing the right thing by them but I also want to protect them. They still think that Mummy and Daddy will make friends again – Lottie keeps asking when Daddy will sleep at home again which is a very difficult question to answer. We need to talk to them about what’s happening but I don’t want to do it before her birthday. I also want to talk to school and nursery and let them know in advance just in case they spot anything.
So much thought goes into every move I make, that I’m starting to run out of energy. I should book some “me time” soon to make sure I keep making the best decisions for us all.