1st December 2016
I don’t think that my marriage is going to last much longer. That’s the first time that I’ve written it down. I’m writing this to try and bring some semblance of order to my thoughts. My gut says it’s all over but my heart doesn’t want to admit that everything has changed.
It’s James. Well, it’s not all him, I know that I’m at fault too, but his behaviour is starting to impact the children. I realised last night whilst I was waiting for him, again, that they have stopped asking when Daddy will be home. He’s become a stranger to them, sleeping in at the weekends, disappearing off on his bike, yelling because he’s tired. I know he works hard and that his work enables us to live here, but none of that is worth the upset that it’s causing. Lottie is desperate for reassurance, she’s lost her playfulness and happy giggles, and Dylan won’t go anywhere near him when he’s around. This isn’t how they should be with their father and I’m worried about them. I want to fix this but I just don’t know if I can.
The question is what to do next? I called a local solicitor I found online but they just wanted to start divorce proceedings straight away. James doesn’t deserve that and it’s not all his fault. I know that I’m always on at him for working late and being tired. I wonder if mediation would help work out what is best for us and the kids? He certainly won’t listen to me but maybe he’d listen to a 3rd party. Perhaps I’ll broach it whilst we are on holiday – time to reconnect and the children to spend time with their Dad. It’s worth a shot.