The Reluctant Divorcee

Brought to you by SA Law

I’ve never considered writing a blog before; it’s the kind of thing other people do. I’m more of a fact-based person but things are so all over the place at the moment that writing down my thoughts and feelings suddenly feels like the right thing to do. It helps me to organise my thoughts a bit, and who knows, someone else might read this who’s going through the same thing. So here it is: My blog, by Rebecca Green.
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Decision made: we’re going to get divorced

19th February 2017

I’ve made my decision, I’ve told Mum and Dad and spoken to SA Law. I’m definitely going ahead with a divorce. Deep breath.

This has been going round and round in my head for so long that it’s affecting every part of my life now. The children have noticed how quiet I am – I can’t even concentrate at yoga! The only time I forget about things is at work when I have to focus on my patients. I’ve made the decision so that I canmove on with my life.

When I phoned Marilyn earlier, I got rather upset. I didn’t plan to cry down the telephone but it was such a relief to talk to someone who understood what I was trying to say, it all just flooded out. I think deep down I’d been hoping that the past few months would have given James and I the jolt we needed to sort things out. Now he’s got a new girlfriend, I can see that he’s moved on and so must I.

Once I’d calmed down, I confirmed that I wanted Marilyn to prepare the divorce petition stating that the marriage has broken down due to James’s unreasonable behaviour. Incidentally, it surprised me that I couldn’t just say that our marriage has broken down until we’ve been separated for two years. It also isn’t sensible, in my case, to petition on the grounds of adultery as James can deny that he’s in a sexual relationship (as if!). Hence the need to petition against unreasonable behaviour.

I have to give examples of what he’s done that’s “unreasonable” which is going to be hard as I don’t want to inflame the situation. However they need to be enough to satisfy the court that our marriage is over. Marilyn will guide me but I’m going to call her in a day or two once I’ve had time to think about what to say. I want to be fair in my portrayal of our life together but I think it’s important to say that he’s now in a new relationship. I know that Marilyn can send James a draft of what I’m going to say so he doesn’t get upset when he reads his copy of the petition. I also want to let him know that I’d like him to pay Marilyn’s fees (for the divorce part, at least) and the £550 court fee – that’s the least he can do.

I’ve got to deliver my original Marriage Certificate to Marilyn to send to the Court with the Petition and that’s the last I will see of it. I’ve asked her to get me a certified copy – I don’t know why, it is being sentimental but I want to keep something that shows that we were once together.