The Reluctant Divorcee

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I’ve never considered writing a blog before; it’s the kind of thing other people do. I’m more of a fact-based person but things are so all over the place at the moment that writing down my thoughts and feelings suddenly feels like the right thing to do. It helps me to organise my thoughts a bit, and who knows, someone else might read this who’s going through the same thing. So here it is: My blog, by Rebecca Green.
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Telling the children – it broke my heart

22nd April 2017

Lottie’s birthday was difficult but I think she enjoyed it, which is what matters. In the end, James took her out to breakfast – without Dylan – which she loved. He dropped her to school and I picked up. Mum and Dad came round for a family tea party and she was treated like a princess. She seemed satisfied that Daddy was at work so couldn’t come for tea, so that sorted out that challenge. He bought her a beautiful dress and shoes, and a troll doll, and has promised her a trip to the ballet – lucky he has the money to do all that. But she seemed to like her new tutu from me – not the kitten that she wanted but…!

After we’d put them to bed, James acknowledged his solicitor had received the Divorce Petition. He wouldn’t commit to when he would respond . It feels like he’s back in control again.

James and I have now told the children that he isn’t coming back home. We found a great book that helped us explain – not that I think James read it but I found it useful. Dylan just nodded, of course he doesn’t really understand, but Lottie asked lots of questions about how it would impact her: where would she live? where would she go to school and who’d walk the dog? She seemed most pleased that she’d have 2 bedrooms, one painted lilac and the other one peach. We reassured them over and over again that we both loved them so much. I know that we have to keep telling them this and not place any blame on each other.

I thought telling the children went really well but since then, Lottie won’t let me out of her sight. She even refused to go to her ballet lesson if I wasn’t watching her and clung to me at drop off. Luckily her teacher calmly prised her off me but I’m worried about her. Once again, it’s our actions that are upsetting her and it’s breaking my heart to see her confidence ebb away. What have we done to her? I wonder if there’s some support that would help? Or someone she could talk to about her worries?

On a plus, Mum’s booked us a spa day. I can’t wait!