6th January 2017
On reflection, I have to be honest and say that Christmas wasn’t the break that I’d hoped it would be. I felt quite lonely. Most of my time was spent playing with Lottie and Dylan, who were absolutely adorable. James finally seemed to rally on the Thursday after sleeping most of the week. To be fair, he took them to the cinema whilst I had a massage, but didn’t seem interested in dinner with me at the Italian restaurant. I cancelled the babysitter before I’d even told him I’d booked it.
So that was the season of goodwill. Then last night, once again, James was late. He promised to be home by 7pm so I could meet with Ellie for a belated New Year’s drink. He turned up at 9.10pm citing an urgent, last minute meeting. No phone call. No text. No apologies. In fact he was furious that I was angry with him but I have the right to be. So often, my plans are ignored. James doesn’t want to spend time with me, we’re arguing all the time and I resent missing drinks with Ellie. She’s my best friend and it’s not as if I go out very often. I really don’t think I was being unreasonable.
I know I’m angry and I shouldn’t make decisions in this mood, but things can’t go on like this.
Now that I’m back at work, I thought that we would form a proper working partnership, sharing our lives again, but I’m the one working all day, looking after the children and running the household without any of the benefits of having a partner. The children are unhappy, I’m unhappy and I’m not sure that James is very happy either.
I’ve simply had enough. Mediation isn’t going to work, there’s too much water under the bridge and James went ballistic when I suggested it. He’s a proud man who doesn’t want to face that there is an issue here. But, I don’t want this life anymore. Next action: find a solicitor and get this sorted for the children and for me. I’m strong. I know I can do this.