Article Archive

Back in the swing of things

The children are settled back into the school & nursery routine, and just as I manage to get them out of the post-Christmas lull James announces that he’s going skiing for a week in February, which means he can’t have... Read More

Reflections

A day at home alone is a good chance to reflect on the year that’s passed. I firmly believe that I’m in a not-too-bad-a-place considering the split from James. More importantly, the children seem happy. When they are not with... Read More

Things in boxes

There’s an awful lot of boxes in my loft: boxes of records, photographs, our antique dinner service, university files. As I packed our Christmas decorations away for another year, I realised just how many boxes remain to be sorted and... Read More

Merry Christmas Everyone!

We’ve had a lovely Christmas with Mum and Dad. Lottie and Dylan played happily, I’ve taught Lottie the basics of Uno, and we’ve all eaten way too much!  Boxing Day was fun too - friends came over and we had... Read More

You are not going to believe this.

I’ve had time to reflect on James’s night out and to be honest, I’m still hurting. I don’t blame Michelle for going out with them but I wish I didn’t know about it. The photograph makes it worse, of course.... Read More

Flippin’ Facebook

I should know better than to look at Facebook. I only logged on to find out about a planned school mums night out in January and what jumps out at me? A photograph of James and Amelia with Michelle and... Read More

Lonely this Christmas?

My children have had to make two cards at school - one for Mummy and one for Daddy. I feel awful. My poor children being singled out for their parents choosing not to be together. For the first time in... Read More

We’re now two families, not one

A thought-provoking delivery in the post this morning - a card from James’s cousin addressed to all four of us. Obviously, James has not told his family about our changed circumstances and it will be a surprise to them when... Read More

Looking for the silver lining

I finally grabbed an hour tonight to write the rest of the Christmas cards. For the first time, I signed the cards from Rebecca, Lottie and Dylan - no James. I’m sure I’ll get a few texts when the post... Read More

A united front for the school Christmas play

It’s Lottie’s school play this afternoon and I’ll be seeing James for the first time since the roundtable. At least I know that we can be in the same room without it being awkward. Marilyn’s advice is that we focus... Read More

A Festive Fly in the Ointment

Nothing is straightforward. Another call from James. This time to say that his parents want to see Lottie and Dylan on Christmas morning. In previous years they have been round before lunch but I hadn’t for one minute contemplated that... Read More

It’s beginning to feel a lot like Christmas

James phoned to talk about Christmas today. I suppose with the Christmas adverts starting to appear on TV it’s prompted him to think about it. We’ve agreed that the children will be with me on Christmas Day and Boxing Day... Read More

Signed, sealed and practically delivered

I am so relieved that we’ve agreed a financial settlement. I know that will give our children what they need and whilst things will inevitably be different to before we separated, I am fortunate to have enough money to live... Read More

Roundtable success!

Marilyn was fantastic yesterday. She was amazing. She went through everything with a fine-toothed comb and was sensible, level headed yet open to compromise in order to help us reach an agreement. I really was impressed with how she helped... Read More

Harry Potter and the curse of the three-headed dog

The children have been away with James for a long weekend and they had a great time together, but Lottie is having the most awful nightmares. She’s woken twice now talking about a three-headed dog. It turns out that James... Read More

Sometimes you need time, a guiding hand and a good friend

One of the things that I hadn’t realised about the divorce process was how much time it all takes. Marilyn has prepared me for the roundtable meeting, explaining that it is important for me to listen and try not to... Read More

The “C” word – Christmas

James’ solicitor has confirmed that we will hold a roundtable meeting to talk about finances. It seems like quite a while ago that Marilyn suggested this meeting and I can’t say I’m looking forward to it but it is so... Read More

Facing up to the Future

James and I had a proper conversation yesterday about Lottie and Dylan. He dropped them off after taking them to see his parents for Sunday lunch and stayed for a cup of tea. It almost felt natural for the first... Read More

The Power of a Conversation

James’s solicitor has sent through his settlement proposal. As suspected, James clearly doesn’t want to retain an interest in our house and the proposal was that it should be sold. We have a solution to that thanks to mum and... Read More

The love of parents knows no bounds

I’m writing this through tears tonight, tears of gratitude.  Mum and Dad have offered to help financially. They say they’d rather help me now when I need help rather than leave money to me as inheritance. Where the children and... Read More

The two most powerful warriors are patience and time (Tolstoy)

Week 3 of school - where has that time gone? This realisation has spurred me on once again. Marilyn’s been very patient with me but James and I need to make some decision about money and the children. The summer... Read More

Someone wants to talk about divorce

So today was interesting. A Mum stopped me at the school gates and asked if she could have a coffee with me. Apparently, she’s been reading my blog. I can’t believe it! At first I was totally shocked and confused... Read More

Time to get this divorce going

Three nights away at Centre Parcs wasn’t quite as bad as I thought it might have been, the kids had a great time - if a little too much fast food - but I think it was really important that... Read More

The shoe is on the other foot

James is taking Dylan and Lottie to Centre Parcs for 3 nights and I’m doing my best to be fine about the whole thing. I am really aware that I have just been away for two weeks with the children,... Read More

Two weeks in Spain is just what the doctor ordered

Isn’t it amazing how two weeks away in Northern Spain can make you feel like a new woman. The kids and I have come away with my Mum and Dad and I don’t know if it’s the lovely warm weather... Read More

Radio Silence

Nothing back from James’s solicitor. I had a feeling this would prove to be difficult. I’m just going to concentrate on my holiday and come back to this after my break. I can’t wait for two weeks away without having... Read More

Money, Money, Money

It looks like I can’t get James released from the mortgage. That’s not good news. I have to discuss this with James it means it will be more difficult for him to borrow money to buy a place for himself.... Read More

Our House, Our Home

James is thinking about my suggestion that the kids and I stay in this house. We’ve agreed that I am going to investigate whether I can get him released from our current mortgage, then we can continue the conversation. I... Read More

James missed sports day

Lottie had her sports day yesterday but James wasn’t there. He chose to go to Lisbon with Amelia instead. The end of the school year is such a busy time with endless activities, open evenings, performances and outings, all of... Read More

The strangest feeling

Last night was the first time in over 2 years that I haven’t had my children at home with me. It was the strangest feeling. Thankfully, Ellie took me out for dinner to take my mind off things for a... Read More

It’s more than my house, it’s my home

My emotions are all over the place at the moment. I’m confused, I’m angry, I’m sad, and then I feel positive about the future again. Then that cycle repeats itself all over again. And again. In one of my “I’m... Read More

The way that you are hurting me – I just don’t understand

Another complication. James’s solicitor has responded to Marilyn’s questions about the Nationwide account and the pension. It appears that the pension has been transferred into his new corporate pension, which makes sense, but the bank account was an “oversight”. This... Read More

First money, now the children. What a month!

Well, James has backed off on his plan to go to Singapore and says that he’s off to Greece instead. That feels fair as he needs a break but it made me realise that we need a holiday too. I’ve... Read More

Unbelievable request

Thank goodness for Marilyn. James called me last night to tell me he was planning to go to Singapore for the Grand Prix and casinos in September. He wanted to make sure that I haven’t got any holidays planned for... Read More

One step forward, two steps back

Today I signed statement to apply for my Decreee Nisi. This has to go to the court and assuming all is in order, I’ll receive a date for my decree nisi in around 4 to 6 weeks’ time. Marilyn sent... Read More

Revealing finances – the plain truth

James’s solicitor has returned the Acknowledgement of Service document which confirms he will pay my costs of the divorce itself. All good but he also sent over his financial disclosure. I had to fight to control myself when Marilyn showed... Read More

The hidden cost of separation

The children worry me. Dylan’s been waking up most nights crying about all sorts of things, so he’s been sleeping with me. Lottie is so quiet and pale. She’s stopped asking questions and seems withdrawn. She wants to cuddle all... Read More

My life in numbers

Today has been about finishing the Financial Disclosure Statement whilst the children were having a “Granny Day” in the park and baking cakes. Now it’s completed, it’s been a fascinating exercise to think about what I spend each week...and even... Read More

Swimming lessons and electricity bills – what’s a fair split?

I’ve started the Financial Disclosure Statement. Well, I’ve made phone calls to my pension provider and put a lot of thought into what I spend now to live and what I will spend in the future on the children. Marilyn... Read More

Climbing the Financial Disclosure Mountain

Worried this week about how on earth I’m going to complete Form E - my financial disclosure statement. Marilyn has stressed its’ importance and that I need to take the time to do it properly as it’s the basis of... Read More

Telling the children – it broke my heart

Lottie’s birthday was difficult but I think she enjoyed it, which is what matters. In the end, James took her out to breakfast - without Dylan - which she loved. He dropped her to school and I picked up. Mum... Read More

It’s her birthday and I’ll cry if I want to

It’s nearly Lottie’s 5th birthday and I can’t work out how this is going to work. It’s on a Friday so she will get up and go to school as usual but what happens after school? Quite understandably she will... Read More

Guess whose life is on hold?

So, even though James has moved out, I still seem to find myself waiting around to find out what he’s doing and then I fit in around him. Annoying, to say the least. I bet he’s out most nights having... Read More

Moving out, on and up…

James has moved out and it was as straightforward as we could have made it. We both managed to be reasonable about the whole thing but he has only taken what he needed, so we have more sorting out to... Read More

I need to insure my financial future but I’m not sure how

I’ve been thinking a lot about what to do about the house, whether to push to stay here, whether to have a fresh start and find a new place; just what to do about money generally. It suddenly hit home... Read More

Focus on what I can control

I am writing again. It is remarkably therapeutic to put my thoughts and feelings into words and share them like this. Reading back through the earlier blogs I can see when I let my emotions get the better of me... Read More

He’s rejected me – has he forgotten about our babies too?

I want to curl up into a tiny ball and sleep. I feel so numb inside. I have no tears and I can’t talk about it any more because I have nothing to new to say. It’s the same thing... Read More

Decision made: we’re going to get divorced

I’ve made my decision, I’ve told Mum and Dad and spoken to SA Law. I’m definitely going ahead with a divorce. Deep breath. This has been going round and round in my head for so long that it’s affecting every... Read More

How do I know that my children will be looked after?

James is seeing someone. I can’t believe it –It’s so soon. He seems to have moved on so quickly and I am feeling really hurt. I feel numb inside and need time to digest this. I also need to ask... Read More

Ruling on Schooling

James has now said that we can't afford to send Charlotte to private school in September 2017. I phoned SA Law and Marilyn was in court so I spoke to Kiran as I was just so worried about the sudden... Read More

The Conversation

After a long heart to heart with James, it’s been agreed that we’re going to separate and I will look into divorce. The conversation wasn’t as straightforward as that sentence makes it sound. He was very angry and said a... Read More

Saying it out loud

It’s been awhile since I updated this blog as I needed time to think. On Marilyn’s advice I’ve spoken to Mum and Dad and to my best friend. It was interesting to hear their thoughts. Mum wasn’t surprised at all.... Read More

Biting the bullet

I promised myself that I’d find a solicitor. And I have. It’s just taken me longer than I thought it would. The first one I called wasn’t my cup of tea and then end of term meant that I put... Read More

Christmas wasn’t the break I’d hoped for

On reflection, I have to be honest and say that Christmas wasn’t the break that I’d hoped it would be. I felt quite lonely. Most of my time was spent playing with Lottie and Dylan, who were absolutely adorable. James... Read More

My marriage isn’t going to last much longer

I don’t think that my marriage is going to last much longer. That’s the first time that I’ve written it down. I’m writing this to try and bring some semblance of order to my thoughts. My gut says it’s all... Read More